This semester has very difficult for me. I have generally felt very distant from God, and as a result I’ve been miserable. I have been tempted by many things, things of the heart, in addition to feeling overwhelmed by life and a feeling of seclusion.
This morning while I was blow drying my hair I was thinking about how my grades aren’t where I want them to be, how this semester is going to bring my GPA down.
I was thinking about how these things will effect my future, in particular nursing school. I was questioning what I would do with my life if I didn’t get into nursing school. I was questioning God’s plan for my life. I found myself asking God, “What are you doing, I thought that you wanted this? You’re screwing it all up!”
Then it dawned on me. God’s plan for my life is much bigger than nursing school, romances, or stable finances. God has something far better for me. I had been defining God’s plan for my life by the outward appearance of it. I realize now that God’s intentions for me cannot be defined by the ‘progress’ of my life. GOD’S plan for MY life is to love me. God did not create me to be a nurse, instead he created me for something far greater.
God created me for His love. He created me TO LOVE ME, not for me to love Him. I’ve proven time and time again I do not always love God, but He still loves me anyways. He still pours his selfless, unending, perfect, everlasting love onto me.
All I have to do is accept this. I don’t have to love Him back, become a nurse, find the perfect man, or pay off all my bills to follow God’s plan for me. All I have to do to accomplish God’s purpose for my life is receive His love.
All I have to do is ALLOW myself to become a vessel of God’s love.
Its really very simple.
Granted, there are things that are an outflow of His love, like being a missionary, servant, and humble friend, but ultimately if I accept God’s love than God’s purpose in my life is being fulfilled.
If my grades don’t make the cut, and I have to find a new career, that’s okay because God will still love me. God’s love will follow me where ever I go in life, and THAT is the purpose of my life, the whole 9 yards.
Jesus + nothing = Everything
Jesus + a nursing career = Everything
God created me to share His love with, not for ME to love other people. no, that’s not how it works. rather, if I’m truly a vessel of God’s love, than GOD will love other people THROUGH me one way or another. I’m pretty sure God can still manage to do that even if I don’t become a nurse.
God knows what will happen in my life and knows the path it will take, but that’s not for me to worry about. It doesn’t matter what happens in the course of my career or what ever else, because what ever happens on this crazy, spontaneous ride God’s love will always follow me.
God is in control of everything. If someone who loves me that crazy much is in control than I definitely am not justified by worrying, because what ever He has planned is way better than what I have planned. As hard as it is to believe, God loves me more than I love me, and I love me a lot sometimes!